Well here I am. Sitting at the airport ready to head home to Melbourne after a brilliant and beautiful weekend in Sydney celebrating with my peers and re-connecting with a dear friend.
I had been looking to this weekend as some what of a milestone, a line in the sand. A marker between one chapter and the next. These last 12 or so weeks have been some of the most challenging and tumultuous of my life. They’ve also been a pretty epic experience of growth, self discovery and deep understanding. I’ve had to find an ability to forgive that I didn’t think I’d ever have to find or would be capable of finding. One afternoon my world came crashing down and I was cracked wide open and forced to look at myself and my life in a way that wasn’t pretty or pleasant. It’s funny though how going through something really awful can kind of transform you. You have a plan and everything’s supposed to go according to that plan but then you realise you have zero control over anything and the universe has its own plan for you. I felt terrified and exposed. I didn’t know how I could ever put the pieces back together. A darling friend said to me, “You don’t have to let go at the moment, you have to grieve what was and what you dreamed would be. You took a different road by a detour that you weren’t warned about and you are now moving blindly. Eventually you will find a path that’s familiar and friendly then you will move forward with a smile again.”
I did everything I could to put the pieces back how I wanted them… but they just didn’t fit. They weren’t the same shape anymore. Once I turned them around and shined a light on them I realised they looked different and in fact never could go back together the way they were. Eventually I realised that maybe I didn’t want them to. My original plan wasn’t necessarily serving me or empowering me like it could. I was given an opportunity to question and challenge my original plan and whether it was the best thing for me as I move into my 30’s. It was scary but one thing I have always done is refuse to make decisions from fear.
So here I am. I don’t even really have a plan at this point. I’m just living my life and focusing on what really matters. I’m following my intuition and seeing where life guides me. I’m embracing each day and expressing gratitude for what I have and for what I’ve learned. I’m being my authentic self because I suddenly have the freedom to do that. I want to say this… I don’t regret anything. I’ve loved and I’ve been loved and I’ve learned so much. I’ve got the most beautiful and precious little girl who has people in her life who love her more than they ever thought possible.
At the beginning of this year, as I watched the fireworks from my back yard, I knew that 2015 was going to be significant. I promised myself that there would be some big shifts and that as the year ends things will be different. Well they certainly will be. I have a different home, a whole new level of awareness and I’m embarking on a new direction within my business.
One thing that I’m so very grateful for is that I’m a capable and empathetic woman who loves nothing more than supporting and empowering other people. Through starting my little admin and resume business, as well as this blog, I discovered some skills that I have and the value in sharing them. Being able to do that has been one of the foundations that has supported me to stay upright these last few months. Undertaking a coaching course through such a heart-centred organisation has been a source of so much of the positive energy that has gotten me through. Having a purpose and an outlet outside of my primary responsibilities has been a blessing and it has fortified my belief in the importance of that for others like me. Those who need to have ‘something else’ in life.
As I launch my brand and business as a Career Coach and Life Strategist for Mums, I get to live my values and embrace my passion for enabling women to find joy in the juggle of paid work and life. Going ‘back to work’ is such a huge thing and I know first hand the struggles and questions that can come along with it. The questions, ‘the looks’, the guilt, the stress, the logistics. I’ve found that not only am I able to help mums put together a fantastic resume and cover letter, prepare for interviews and all the practical stuff, but I’m also pretty great at helping them to process the inevitable ‘mummy guilt’ and find the confidence (and the time!) they need to make it all work. And even before all that, there’s the question of ‘what can I do?’ or ‘I’m so out of touch with it all’ or ‘how can I possibly find the energy to work on top of everything else?’. Well, let me tell you, the possibilities of what you can do are endless. As a mum you have a whole new skill set that you most likely didn’t have before. And you might just find that there is a role or an opportunity out there for you that will actually energise you. I love my job and I know that I’m a better and more present mum because I do have that outlet. You can find your outlet too. Maybe it’s not just a case of finding a part-time flexible role, or signing up to sell ‘party plan’, although both of those things can be awesome. Maybe you’ve actually got a passion or a hobby that can very easily be turned into a small home based business. Got no space? Neither do I, especially now. You’d be amazed what can be done purely online or from your dining table at home.
Just writing about this stuff gets me excited and energised. I love nothing more than seeing that same sparkle of possibility in the eye of a fellow woman who is brave enough to speak up about what she desires in the quiet little corners of her heart.
I’m so grateful for the support of my friends and family through all of this, and I channel that into my coaching. I want to be the kind of coach who is like that best friend who truly and genuinely lifts you up and who’s heart is made happy at seeing you succeed. That awesome friend who has such great ideas and really helpful tips and tools that just make your journey so much easier. Someone who you can be accountable to and who calls you out on your bullshit in the most loving and nurturing way. I will write your to-do list with you, I will make sure it stretches you yet is achievable, and I will ask you to report back on where you’re at with it as we go along. If it doesn’t feel right or not going to plan, we’ll check back in and re-align with where you want to be and how you want to feel. There are people in my life who do that for me and I wish everyone else had that too. We get one life, why on earth would anyone want to waste it feeling stuck, unfulfilled or worse – bored.
So often we underestimate ourselves and overestimate the outcome if we take a risk and ask for more. Why try if you don’t know you’ll succeed? Oh god. Don’t get me started.
Right now, I’m nervous. I’ve got butterflies. I’ve created my little website and its beautiful and it’s time to share it with you. It’s a reflection of me and because of that I feel exposed. I wrote the content with love and with honesty. It’s my words. I didn’t hire a copy writer or have a marketing professional review it for me. The gorgeous Carmen from Ink Pink Design made it all work and look beautiful but the actual wording was all scribbled in a notebook late at night on my bed with my teething toddler snuggled up to my side. I could keep tinkering with it and over time I will… but perfectionism is paralysing and procrastination keeps you small. Sometimes you’ve just got to breathe, back yourself and take the leap. So here I go. I’d love for you to have a look at what I’ve created and even share it with anyone who you think might resonate with me and what I do.
There’s a spot where you can pop your email in so that I can send you little love letters and updates now and then. I’d love to have you in my tribe. There will also be a blog in which I’ll share my thoughts, knowledge and experiences in a way that serves you, my audience, as well as allows me to express parts of myself that are not always easy for an introvert like me.
That means this will be my last post on this site. More Than Mum has grown into something bigger and even more beautiful. Please do head over to www.carliemaree.com and subscribe so that I may continue to share and connect with you in an authentic way, as I’ve been able to do here.
Lastly, thank you. Thank you for reading and listening and supporting me. When people say to me ‘Oh I read/loved your blog post’ I both squirm and inwardly beam at the same time. Sometimes I forget that this is not just a journal and that there are people who actually take the time to read what I write. I understand that time is a precious thing these days so please know that I do appreciate you being here and for your kind words and support.
SO much love to you,