Something to do with my hands.

12noon. So I have a webinar starting in an hour, it’s all prepared. I’ve eaten, been to the loo and bubba is asleep. It’s too cold and rainy to go outside so I am writing this in order to distract myself and work off some nerves. Right before it starts I will put on a favourite song and have a dance. That will get my endorphins going and get me out of my head for a bit. Til then I will write this post.

It’s these moments where I try to remind myself of my ‘Why’. I just keep coming back to the fact that I want to help people. So many people I love and care about are tired and/or slumpy and/or a bit ‘meh’ and I want them to feel better and happier. Given the fact that I am not a nutritionist or a chef it is easy to question myself and go ‘For god’s sake Carlie, what are you doing. You’re just a mum. No one wants your recipes or your shopping guides or your how-to videos’. It is SO easy to get caught up in all that self-talk that is really just my fear talking. Fear of hard work, fear of failure, fear of criticism. The online world scares the heck out of me. I am a sensitive soul and luckily all my feedback has been positive and beautiful so far. However, if I do build some type of following, which seems to be happening, then that’s a whole new big scary world and there are people in it that hide behind their screens and say nasty things they probably wouldn’t in ‘real life’.

The thing is though, this is real life. Me sitting here writing these words. I am sharing the things that I really do in my real life. I am just using an online platform to share it with people other than the ones I see each day. And so far I’m loving it. I have connected with a lovely lady who felt inspired by one of my videos to go and learn to be a trainer in a mums and bubs dance program that she’s really been enjoying. (It’s called Kangatraining – check it out, very cool for mums with little bubs). I can’t tell you how much it made my day to hear that. And that’s just an example of some of the beautiful stuff that’s been going on.

Ok so at this point my baby woke up and the sun came out so we went outside for a play. It’s now 8 hours later, bubba is asleep and I am back to finish this post – phew!

I am feeling SO pleased about the webinar. It was my first ever one and it seemed to all go well. I spoke way too quickly and got through an hour’s content in 36 mins but hey that’s better than going over time. That’s the thing about doing something that makes you nervous. The accomplishment you feel once it’s done. I think I am getting a little hooked on the feeling, like some kind of weird version of an adrenaline junkie. Except instead of bunjee jumping I’m just trying to tell anyone who’ll listen about how great it is to make and eat really yummy food that’s good for you. And also how good it feels to do stuff you enjoy that also makes you fit.

Holy moly, I just got a message from someone in my course that showed someone at work her bliss balls and the healthy lunches and she loves them and is going to make some herself. I know its a small thing, but to me that kinda feels like it’s being passed forward and maybe what I’m doing will have a little ripple affect. How cool!

Again, that little moment of excitement is closely followed by a tiny shadow of dread. Argh! So many people I have admired are really copping it in the media lately. Pete Evans, Sarah Wilson. I am not sure how it happens, if they just go too far, or if what they say is taken out of context and the media attacks them because they are putting themselves out there and that’s just what the media does. Or is it that they are challenging the status quo – whatever that means. I just know I don’t have a thick enough skin for that.

The thing is though. I refuse to make decisions out of fear. When I am feeling a bit stuck I try to ask myself “What would I do if I wasn’t scared?” or “What would I do if I couldn’t fail?”. And I guess the answer is I would just keep on trucking, and being led by my heart, and doing what I enjoy. Which is writing and connecting and learning and growing.

So here I am, and that is what I will do. I am sure one day I will look back and read this and cringe, but that’s a good thing because it will mean that I have grown and stretched and that I’m wiser and in a different place. And isn’t that the whole point?

So, tell me – What would you do if you couldn’t fail?

PS: If you wanted to catch the replay of the webinar I did today – you can do that here:

Much love , Carlie x

4 thoughts on “Something to do with my hands.

  1. I think you’re really brave doing a webinar, and just in general writing and putting it out there. I have the same negative self talk ALL THE TIME and I also am frequently terrified of getting feedback for anything I write (I never read comments that aren’t on my own blog – too many people who write without thinking that the person wrote it might read it!). Keep on being brave and getting your thoughts out in the world to help inspire others to improve their lives.

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  2. I think we all have that self doubt where we talk ourselves down (to ourselves) like we don’t deserve the best or are trying to prepare ourselves for failure. It’s sad but when you kick those thoughts and you succeed there is not a better feeling in the world!

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