Disclaimer: there may be some f-bombs in this post. I have a bit of a potty mouth sometimes. You might as well know that up front. Sorry Nana.
So, I was a bit unsettled after hitting publish on the last (first) post. A couple of reasons. I think I was picturing all the people who knew me who might read it and be all ‘Urgh, eye roll, shut up Carlie’. But after a while I thought ‘fuck the haters’, they’ve got their own shit that has caused them to be judgy, and good luck to them.
Then I thought about other people who might be like ‘how about you get off the computer and spend time with your kid’. Ah, there’s that old parental guilt chestnut. Ouch. Don’t we all suffer that one sometimes. Well, since starting All That Admin, and then even more so when starting Your Best Work I have had to find ways to make peace with being a work at home mum, who also wants to keep fit and feel like I have my own identity.
I was finding that whenever I was working I felt like I should be spending time with my child. And whenever I was exercising or just having some down time I felt like I should be working. The biggest thing that has helped me to get past this, and to really focus on what I am doing at the time, has been to simply give myself permission. I break up my day making sure the biggest chunk (there is an actual pie chart, it’s even printed out) is for Aria, then there is a smaller chunk for work and a little slice which is Carlie time. It might be exercising, it might be reading, it might be watching something trashy – but its my time and I will enjoy it and be present in it and not let guilty self talk ruin it for me. Otherwise, what’s the point? I am lucky that my baby loves hanging out with her Daddy, and she also has 3 amazing Nanas who make themselves available so that I can work when I need to, or have some me time.
When I am giving myself permission then I am so much more productive in my non-mummy time and I can then be totally present in the moment when I am with her, and just lay around having a sleepy cuddle, or playing on the floor with her and not feel like I am being lazy and unproductive. Cos guess what – raising a fantastic human that is going to bring a whole lotta good to the world is actually the most important of my jobs. And part of that is showing her how to work hard, strive for what you want and smash your goals outta the park. So no, I won’t feel guilty for popping her in front of Play School if I need to shoot off an important email, or for asking my mother in law to come and take her to the park while I finish a resume. I wont even feel guilty for having a messy house and a huge pile of washing sometimes, why? Cos its all about the big picture. As I said in my last post, I can have it all. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to.
So tell me, what does ‘having it all’ look like for you?
PS: if you relate to my story and want to be on the More Than Mum love list, click here. There’s some exciting stuff to come.